Friday, June 18, 2010

What to do?

I find us in this weird place again. The place where we’re not sure where belong.

For me there is a grander misplacement. But for our family it sits with our church.

It seems so stagnant and lifeless lately, like a chore.

We used to be active and seek out opportunities. We knew the fire and passion of our church. Now though we stay because we feel God wants us to pray for our church and be part of the change.

But that isn’t what’s happening. How do you know when it’s tome to move on. Is it ever? Would we be abandoning our church?

Thursday, June 3, 2010

Where My Heart Lies

When I was 23, D and I worked with YWAM Panama. It was amazing. I loved every minute of it. I even loved the intense humidity.

Someday I want to go back. Yes for a visit, but that isn’t what I mean. Part of my heart lies in Panama. It lies with the people, the culture and most of all the children.

It wasn’t even just the outside that drew me in, it was me too. I knew who I was, I knew my God. I felt my God. I heard my God. My faith was not the definition of faith. I KNEW my God.

Here though, here it’s all clouded. I second guess, and I make excuses. I don’t trust in the voice of God. I walk a fine line seeing glimpses of Christ, but in a fog.

There are so many distractions here, so much that says it is not God.

It’s my job, my money, my family, my food, my car, my my my. I am impressive! Look at all the things I provide for myself. It is so easy to forget that it’s all from God. It’s easy to accept that it’s me and my doing. It’s easy to fall into the trap.

I’m working on listening and seeing God here and now. He’s here. He’s never left, I’m just not listening.

I’ll keep pushing through though.