I’m Overwhelmed

Lately life’s fragility has surrounded me.  Is it possible to pray for all of them? Can it be? How can I really help them? Would God save them all?

Today I watched a video of a girl that will lose her life. She will lose her battle with CF. She only has a few days left. 

Sometimes I’m overwhelmed. Today is one of those days.

It’s like my heart is breaking off into little pieces. One for each of them. What do I do with this?

Part of me is so afraid. Afraid to put myself out there. Afraid to be a REAL friend to those who need me. I know that God has a reason he’s showing me all this. I know He has a reason that I am in their lives, and that I keep finding new people to bring in my life.

I know this in my head, but my heart is scared.

And lately, this fear has been paralyzing me, so to speak. I’m almost afraid to pray. What if He doesn’t answer in the way I want. What does that mean for my prayers?

Sometimes I even try to bargain with God. What if I were more faithful? What if I prayed every day for so and so? What if I prayed every hour?

What if it were just me praying, is that enough? What if it were 10,000 people? Does that make a difference? How does God choose?

What is He teaching me? And why is it so hard? Why is it so painful?

I know that this is nothing compared to those who are going through these things, and I’m sorry that I’m whining, but it’s too much to hold in. I have no answers, but I hope God teaches me something  tangible soon.

Faith like a child

There always seem to be recurring themes in my life. Usually they come out of a song. For a while my theme was Hands and Feet by Audio Adrenaline then I moved to Legacy by Nichole Nordeman. Now I seem to be coming back to basics. I long to come with “faith like a child.” I long to have the faith in prayer that Moves Mountains!

A while ago I saw a documentary called Finger of God. In this, there was a missionary that would literally have small children (even ones who didn’t even know God yet) pray for healings. It was amazing to watch this. What is it about childlike faith that creates this. Are we too old or too smart to truly come to God like a child?

I’m not sure if I will ever get to the point of complete and total dependence, but I will sure try. I am going to start small (but important) and build up speed as I go along.

Step 1: The My Money Trap

 

Living in the northeast money really does have a hold on us. The pressure is amazing, and it’s easy to overlook it. You can struggle against it, but it really is a struggle. Money is everything, gives everything. Money can set your status, and take it away, money can even define your self esteem. Now, we all know this is wrong. But how do we let go of this hold deep in our hearts.

I am going to start by remembering that it is NOT my money, never was and never will be. God has given me this money to be a good steward of. God has given me the job that pays me His money. I have always known this, but do I really live it? No. Today I start living without My Money. Does this mean living in poverty? No. What about extravagance? No. It will be a balance.

Jeremiah 29:11 NIV

For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.

This verse is used often, but there are many occasions in the bible where God tells us that he desires us to prosper.

How then, do we know how to be a proper steward of God’s money? It’s actually pretty simple, following through will be the hard part.

Jeremiah 10:21 NIV

The shepherds are senseless and do not inquire of the Lord; so they do not prosper and all their flock is scattered.

1 Thessalonians 5:17 NIV

pray continually

So, here I go, off to pray over purchases. When I buy jeans I will pray, or when I buy different groceries I will pray. I will no longer be the senseless consumer. Let’s see where it goes from here.

Questions

So Lydia, the sweet little girl most of my prayers surround, has taken a toll for the worst. Her meds are as high as they can go, and was even considered for hospice.
Now, here's my question. At my last intercession, God led me to pray she was filled with oxygen. And on Sept 22 my friend Rachel (doing the School of Intercessory Prayer with YWAM) was also led to pray some things for her.
This was her email to me:
"Ok, God is so freaking cool. Read this message and then read the posting Jen wrote about the disease Lydia has.
So, I was interceding for Lydia and asking God how to pray to release his power into her body. I prayed everything I got. First, I prayed that her cells would come to life and do the job they were created for. I prayed that God would increase her lung capacity and open up air passages that had been restricted before. I asked that God's Spirit and healing power would go from her lungs to her kidneys, heart and brain. I commanded disease to leave her body and for the life of the Spirit to fill her.
Most of this I learned from class already but what I did not know was one single thing about Zellwegger's disease (or whatever it is). Notice the similarities on what God gave me to pray and what Jen says about it."

Normally, I would question my prayer for her...did I make that up? But Rachel also was led to pray a similar prayer, knowing nothing of Lydia or her disease...what does it all mean?
Why would God lead us to pray these things?
Where is it supposed to lead?
I don't have answers for these questions and many more...but I will contine to pray for her faithfully. I believe God has called me to intercede for her. To pray for her healing. Therefore, I will. That's it, no question. I am called, so I will. God will listen and answer my prayers!

I hold strong to God's promises... "The prayer of a righteous man is powerful and effective." - James 5:16