Who I am and who I will be?

I am critical, judgmental, and down right mean at times. I say things I wish I could take back, and some I don’t. I take things for granted. I lie no matter how hard I try, sometimes even to myself. I whine and complain and wonder at the fairness of it all. When I see the girl walking on the street in knee-high nylons and a short skirt, I think she is a freak or weird. I want to throw eggs at all the bad drivers around me. (Especially the ones that make a new lane in the break down lane.)

I have some redeeming qualities. I love my family and friends dearly. I would do almost anything for them. Starting in July I search and search for the perfect gift, the one they will truly want or need to receive. I look for ways to make a difference in the world, in other’s lives. Whenever I see people walking or waiting for a bus in the rain I want to stop and give them an umbrella. (I have actually bought some extras at the dollar store, someday they will actually make it into the car)

But, this is me. This is who I am!

I am unworthy. I am a sinner.

So what does this mean for my future. It means struggles, it means falling on my face only to be picked up by the God that loves me and forgives me. I have a God that knows me, knows my weaknesses and strengths, a God that sees me for who I truly am.

Does this mean that I am doomed?

No.

I have hope! God says that there will be no tears in heaven and there will be no death.

No tears and no death you say? No pain, no sickness? No mean comments and no lying? Well then where I am?

How can I still be me without the comments, without the eternal struggle. Will I still be me without all the ugly stuff?

This has puzzled me for years, and someday I will find out the answer. ..

More on the My Money Trap

So funny thing. The day that I decide that my money is not my money was the same day that my bank account hit it’s absolute lowest. Normally we are very careful and very good about “our” money. Ha ha.

We had been discussing two purchases we wanted to make. One we will need at some point, and one, that in the end was frivolous. So we decided to wait on both purchases.After all that though, we found out that we didn’t have the money to buy either.

I’m not exactly sure where God is taking this, I’ll keep you updated on how God is growing us in this area.

I have been thinking about what it means to use God’s money wisely. Where are the lines? When you think of how to unwisely use money, is it only greed and frivolousness that you think of?

I believe there is a point where you can give too much. I read God’s Smuggler a while back. Brother Andrew describes a time when he learned the lesson that God desires us to take joy in His provisions

• 1 Timothy 5:18 NIV

For the Scripture says, "Do not muzzle the ox while it is treading out the grain," and "The worker deserves his wages."

It is possible to develop as Brother Andrew says an “attitude of lack.”

Strangely enough, I believe you can have both frivolousness and an attitude of lack at the same time. Are there things that you won’t give over to God. What does this mean for you? Do you trust God will provide what you need, that you won’t need to scrimp? Or do you not trust that God has given you more than you need?

My husband and I have been praying about supporting another missionary. In this sense we feel that God has provided more than enough for us. But in other areas, things that we need, we have been waiting for the sale for so long, and have just lived with what doesn’t work. How can we find this balance and what does it all mean when it comes to having faith like a child.

It’s simple, it all comes down to trust. Do you really trust God with everything? Can you follow Him in the toughest of things know full well that He will provide for you?

Faith like a child

There always seem to be recurring themes in my life. Usually they come out of a song. For a while my theme was Hands and Feet by Audio Adrenaline then I moved to Legacy by Nichole Nordeman. Now I seem to be coming back to basics. I long to come with “faith like a child.” I long to have the faith in prayer that Moves Mountains!

A while ago I saw a documentary called Finger of God. In this, there was a missionary that would literally have small children (even ones who didn’t even know God yet) pray for healings. It was amazing to watch this. What is it about childlike faith that creates this. Are we too old or too smart to truly come to God like a child?

I’m not sure if I will ever get to the point of complete and total dependence, but I will sure try. I am going to start small (but important) and build up speed as I go along.

Step 1: The My Money Trap

 

Living in the northeast money really does have a hold on us. The pressure is amazing, and it’s easy to overlook it. You can struggle against it, but it really is a struggle. Money is everything, gives everything. Money can set your status, and take it away, money can even define your self esteem. Now, we all know this is wrong. But how do we let go of this hold deep in our hearts.

I am going to start by remembering that it is NOT my money, never was and never will be. God has given me this money to be a good steward of. God has given me the job that pays me His money. I have always known this, but do I really live it? No. Today I start living without My Money. Does this mean living in poverty? No. What about extravagance? No. It will be a balance.

Jeremiah 29:11 NIV

For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.

This verse is used often, but there are many occasions in the bible where God tells us that he desires us to prosper.

How then, do we know how to be a proper steward of God’s money? It’s actually pretty simple, following through will be the hard part.

Jeremiah 10:21 NIV

The shepherds are senseless and do not inquire of the Lord; so they do not prosper and all their flock is scattered.

1 Thessalonians 5:17 NIV

pray continually

So, here I go, off to pray over purchases. When I buy jeans I will pray, or when I buy different groceries I will pray. I will no longer be the senseless consumer. Let’s see where it goes from here.

Praying for Lydia Button

For those of you praying along side me for Lydia. I have designed a button you can add to your page so that others can have the wonderful opportunity to intercede for this precious little girl.

Here is the html code to add this to your page.
<center><a href="http://www.lydiaeileen.blogspot.com/"><img alt="Praying for Lydia" border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjh1cir6qgcD7iwn0qpKTOm5e8aKUUUVAI8O8P7WrCHeqB-Tom8nUbTEi3p_Awj3gwyKYUhtpiK8nLHKz_ncEZd02pqSD4vw5a7PYm8v9zSPWSlZRhBVR7doXRhTLVpx9djhZnOMpzqw2k/" /></a></center>