On My Own?

Ahh, my sweet little Gavin. Life has been so different with you around. We are truly blessed to have you in our lives. I feel as though I am being pulled and stretched to grow in ways I never knew. Notice the pulled part :)

Gavin’s birth was not at all what I had envisioned. Dan and I had spent some time planning a natural birth. My choice of pain management was hypnobirthing. I didn’t take the classes, but I was going to apply the relaxing techniques with lots of prayer and trust that God was with me, and designed it all.

Well, that’s not how it all happened. Two days after my due date I had an ultrasound to check on our little guy (I had been measuring small for a couple of weeks). My doctor, who is amazing by the way, was on vacation and came in from home to give me the ultrasound. Turns out my fluid was low. As they were concerned and it was a Friday…I was sent across the street to the hospital to be induced. Can you say totally irrationally unprepared for that. Induction was not part of my plan.

As I said, my doctor was on vacation so I had another doctor who I wasn’t familiar with. He was great though, and did check to see if I was maybe possibly starting labor on my own. Nope! So the Pitocin was started.

After 7 hours, 3 tries of pitocin, a cervical catheter, urinary catheter, epidural, several extremely frightening heart rate drops (that seemed to last for hours), nurses flipping me all around, oxygen masks, lots of tears and 1 cesarean…my little boy arrived safe and sound! The doctors never found any reason for all his trouble.

In the end, I was right about one thing. God was with me through it all. He gave my my wonderful husband, who watched the monitors like a hawk for each and every heartbeat drop and ran to get the nurses for us every time. He gave me the calm cool husband that I needed. While he was terrified on the inside, he kept it all together for me. He helped me to calm down during each episode, and helped to flip me all around when my legs no longer worked from the epidural. God brought me to a wonderful smaller hospital where the nurses and doctor were able to keep a close eye on me. There are so many reasons I could go on forever. But there is one particular moment where God stood out to me.

When it came time for the epidural, I was already closed to tears and frightened. I tried so hard to hold it together. Each time I was touched by the needle, my muscles spasmed. I couldn’t stop it. I was so frightened of the damage I could do by jumping, scared for my little boy, upset I couldn’t hold it all together…etc. All this together added up to a small bit of hysterical. In that moment I finally realized I couldn’t do it on my own. I cried out to God, knowing I was incapable of calming myself enough for this, let alone stay still. I had already proven that I couldn’t do it. When I let go of me, and realized my true need, and that I was incapable on my own.. I felt the peace! A peace and calm like I have never felt before! In that moment God was with me and I could feel it! I calmed, stayed still and was able to get the epidural in a matter of seconds!!

I will forever look back on this moment…The first moment I physically felt God!

Defying the Odds

So today is Lydia’s 2 month birthday. Although I have only met her for a few moments, she truly stole my heart. I can’t explain it but there is something so special and endearing about that little girl. God has so much in store for her. I can feel it deep in my bones, He’s not through with her yet.

I pray constantly for this little girl. Each day I pray for her healing, that she would astound the doctors. So far she has defied what the doctors have expected of her. This has been so encouraging. My main prayer has been that God would heal her cells, and encourage new growth for her. That she would continue her development.

I also pray for my friends and their marriage. I heard a statistic from an autistic support group. That 80% of marriages that have autistic parents end in divorce. My friends are amazing, and strong in their relationships with God. But each day I pray for more strength and encouragement for them. I pray for them individually and for their marriage.

God is a good God. I trust in his will. I trust that He has called me to pray for this family.

Thank you Lord for this call on my life. Help me to listen to you, hear the prayers you have for this family. Help me to intercede on their behalf.

Questions

So Lydia, the sweet little girl most of my prayers surround, has taken a toll for the worst. Her meds are as high as they can go, and was even considered for hospice.
Now, here's my question. At my last intercession, God led me to pray she was filled with oxygen. And on Sept 22 my friend Rachel (doing the School of Intercessory Prayer with YWAM) was also led to pray some things for her.
This was her email to me:
"Ok, God is so freaking cool. Read this message and then read the posting Jen wrote about the disease Lydia has.
So, I was interceding for Lydia and asking God how to pray to release his power into her body. I prayed everything I got. First, I prayed that her cells would come to life and do the job they were created for. I prayed that God would increase her lung capacity and open up air passages that had been restricted before. I asked that God's Spirit and healing power would go from her lungs to her kidneys, heart and brain. I commanded disease to leave her body and for the life of the Spirit to fill her.
Most of this I learned from class already but what I did not know was one single thing about Zellwegger's disease (or whatever it is). Notice the similarities on what God gave me to pray and what Jen says about it."

Normally, I would question my prayer for her...did I make that up? But Rachel also was led to pray a similar prayer, knowing nothing of Lydia or her disease...what does it all mean?
Why would God lead us to pray these things?
Where is it supposed to lead?
I don't have answers for these questions and many more...but I will contine to pray for her faithfully. I believe God has called me to intercede for her. To pray for her healing. Therefore, I will. That's it, no question. I am called, so I will. God will listen and answer my prayers!

I hold strong to God's promises... "The prayer of a righteous man is powerful and effective." - James 5:16